


Hold Me Tight (Or Don't)

by Demytasse



Series: Biology and Assholes [5]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Adulthood, Banter, Bittersweet, Casual Sex, Comfort, Denial of Feelings, Drama, Endearments, Feelings, Flirting, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, High School, Light Angst, M/M, Male Friendship, Memories, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Mutually Unrequited, Platonic Romance, Possibly Unrequited Love, Reminiscing, Slice of Life, Teasing, redeeming end, shizuo celty and kadota eventually show up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-10-13 07:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20578592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demytasse/pseuds/Demytasse
Summary: Shinra turns to Izaya in order to gain sexual proficiency, what he claims he'll need for his future with Celty. Yet ambiguity of feelings could destroy his plans and friendship alike—though it might be within their best interests that their companionship changes routes.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Originally wrote another prologue for this fic almost a year ago, but never got around to writing the damn fic. Life got in the way for about a year; I wrote out several chapters and roughed out some more months back, and now here I am... _Actually_ writing it. I'm proud of myself.
> 
> Anyhoo, here's the new prologue. 
> 
> My Tumblr Post:  
https://demytasse.tumblr.com/post/187430772971/shinzaya-hold-me-tight-or-dont-prologue

Undoubtedly, Shinra was socially inept. That was, in fact, basic Raijin trivia; such a prevalent tidbit of tribal knowledge that one was an anomaly if they hadn’t the fair warning of his particular quirks. So obvious that if such an unfortunate soul existed, the truth was immediately revealed the moment the teen punctuated his first inappropriate sentence.

Though he was quite awkward, Shinra had a certain flair to his character flaw, so if one could tolerate his presence it _could_ be viewed as an endearment. He was as deliberate as a punchline without context — logically blunt, yet cleverly offensive. All the while, his unusual topics were broken by inserted similes and fact corrections which _“actually…”_ seemed like they were used as a means to lord what he knew over others instead of being helpful as claimed; him a college professor, if you will, in lecture of toddlers too immature for their school uniforms.

And to drive any whom he addressed insane, the conversation would start mid-point, like they had dropped eaves, to which he’d expect them to hop into the depth of his established headspace; furthermore keep pace with his long-winded ramble. It was a chore, to put it simply, that no one wanted to perform.

Now, to anyone with a quick wit, Shinra was actually fairly manageable—tolerable above palatable—only desirable for gluttons of a particular kind of self-indulgent obsessor. Which, said deadly sin would be named Izaya. The human enthusiast, the wallflower of his own decision, conveniently filled all the requirements and was quite proud of such talents and broad tastes. Honest to interests, he was _especially_ fond of the curious case that was Shinra and his disliked personality, for he related like the other half of his whole and vice versa.

So it went that the four-eyed narcissist was the only person whom Izaya would tolerate spontaneous chit-chat from. The solo being he’d give his explicit attention to, because he rather _enjoyed_ the babble; thrived upon engaging banter that he was paid for providing Shinra an outlet.

Yes, that meant Izaya came with his own eccentricities, but they gelled so perfectly with Shinra’s that their combo reassured them they weren’t to walk the planet alone with no peer to speak of. Which their similarities may be the exact reason that Shinra would approach Izaya with an abnormal request, on an otherwise normal day, during a normal lunch period. With a coy tug of his sleeve, a prominent clear of his throat, he’d bluntly state his innocuous demand…

_“Stick around after class to study with me, will you, Izaya?”_

That unremarkable word would mark the beginning of a peculiar tale of two friends. Shinra in lead of Izaya, promptly—proudly—after he’d finally say _‘yes’_ against his initial will. Two idiots side by side would willingly stride straight into the fray of nebulous feelings. To which unwillingly they’d blur the lines of platonic activities and create somewhat of a comedic tragedy—chaos of their own design. Inexplicably, they’d deviate from the confines of planned purpose and beyond the realm of predictability.


	2. Chapter 1 — Here's the setting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been reworked around ten times, I'm sure. Over the course of a year, it's changed too many routes. I'm usually better about removing lines that I had a love affair with when they no longer work...but there were one or two I was ADAMANT about keeping, much to my own consternation. Like a memorial of what was once was—what shaped the idea in the first place. In my heart of hearts, I'm a frustrating romantic.

As their middle school days had met an end, so had their lonely club—and when high school term began, so did their creep towards graduation. Which put the teens smack dab in the middle of an upcoming end; adulthood approached too soon for any last-minute bouts of immaturity, but there was still _some_ wiggle room.

Regardless, Izaya adhered to his method of how to properly ease himself into the life of expected status quo. To him, it made sense to keep to his own priorities, apart from peers and friends alike; a somewhat lonesome approach but matched what was to come. Which Shinra continued right on Izaya heels—hypothetically, with a parallel plan rather than a literal clip at the back of hallway shoes sometime in the past.

It spoke of how worn-in their friendship was, how similar they were, and how seamless their tried and true formula worked. It counter-spun from what outsiders thought was normal for tight-knit friends, yet to them it wasn’t counterintuitive. That is if their schoolmates actually regarded them a second time after their first day introductions. 

However, it seemed true—their present interaction _did_ mimic a retired relationship as it barely went beyond hallway greetings throughout the week and bumped shoulders as they entered or exited class. Though it would be an insult to dub Izaya and Shinra distant cohorts. Rather, the self-absorbed beings fell into sync whenever they were compelled to share ideas and observational data, like hobbyist social scientists that exchanged notes when their schedules aligned. 

Whether for brief moments or the length of the lunch period, they’d continue from the top of their previous scene—delivered improvisational lines over scripted small talk, and split ways just as casual. It was a joke that judgemental classmates thought the two barely clicked when those who believed the farce were generally hard-pressed for quality chit-chat themselves.

In other words, Izaya and Shinra were no actors—just odd friends.

—

A classroom of thirty was left desolate—desks abandoned and recently straightened by the student janitorial crew. Essentially everyone had left the premises. Yet the corral of empty chairs wasn’t a complete set, only a majority, as two of them were occupied somewhere in the middle and off to the side, with a particular silence to keep them company. It wasn’t a normal stasis when people were still present, but Izaya was to blame as he pretended to be alone despite the unnerving incorrectness. 

Sat backwards directly opposite him was Shinra, pressed into Izaya’s personal space like there was still a crowd—his nose forward and glasses primed. The scene akin to their old interactions with just a hint of intimacy was hardly correct for their current years, but here they were. In wait of whatever afternoon was to follow; and as Shinra had been the one to suggest their rendezvous, he initiated the study session without a hello and spoke a few lines out of order with a topic not yet broached.

“So! I’m looking to gain experience.”

He didn’t budge, even though he’d received a cue to distance himself by way of Izaya’s exasperated sigh and turn of attention.

“You’re saying you want us to have sex,“ Izaya watched the other adjust his glasses, "for science.”

“Oh good, you caught on quick!” Shinra clapped.

“Don’t mock my intelligence, Shinra. You insinuated it. Heavily, I might add.”

“I know.”

During the time that his peers cleaned around him, Izaya started to browse some gossip garbage that a gaggle of females read in between glances his way. It was grating enough for him to determine why they giggled and squealed; which more or less was the same bother as the trash proclamation which unnerved him now.

“You’re aware I’m male, correct?” 

“Huh, I didn’t think sexuality was a concern of yours, Orihara-kun. It always seemed that you were open to whatever advantageous situation you might be offered. Maybe I was wrong.”

“I meant, _Kishitani-kun_, for someone looking to please a particular female, sexual experience with a man is hardly beneficial.” His stare steeled. “A _human_ male, especially.”

“Well, any experience is better than none, wouldn’t you think?”  
  
Shinra made his prognosis with a finger held high, while Izaya flipped through the pages of what was dubiously _his_ magazine—in search.

“Listen, the girls might claim me _‘effeminate enough to bottom anyone’_,” his brow raised, “or _‘non-threatening enough to top specific bottoms’_, but my supposed range _still _doesn’t meet your needs.”

Izaya was bothered, to say the least, that a clique of his classmates studied him in such a shallow fashion, that Shinra wanted him for such a shallow purpose, to which he tossed the bothersome reading material aside in disgust of it all. Though it was lost on Shinra as he chewed Izaya’s statement—tested the added variable against his own with his eyes rolled up to a corner in thought.

“I still think you could fit the role well. A female body double, despite absent physiology.“

“And _there’s_ the truth I was looking for. So you’re wanting me to roleplay for you?” he mimicked his own beheading much to Shinra’s comical dismay.

"Honestly, do you think I’d let you sully my dear Celty’s image with some hack cosplay job? What I meant was that you lack female anatomy and desirables. Like a nice rack of breas—”

Izaya cut him short, “_you mean_, I couldn’t live up to your dullahan standards?” He twirled his words but spat out the contagion.

“Oh. Well, not really, but you should know that!”

“Aww, what a shame. I really would’ve rocked that form-fitted riding suit she wears.”

A sarcastic gesture was wound up and ready, but Izaya’s shrug baulked at the scrutiny made in his favour. He was joking, of course, but now he was worried that the punchline was taken seriously.

"Hmm…”

His friend sized him up; a tailor in consideration of which cut would flatter his curves, what fabric needed to be snipped, and if the garment was more appropriate for the floor—or so it seemed. Selfconscious, Izaya broke into a cold sweat, even more when his pursuant breached their median space, drawn by attraction rather than a scheme.

“Maybe so…”

Shinra smiled—slyly. It was the kind of lilt that would shiver most sexually, and Izaya couldn’t tell if he was one amongst the statistic who’d blush so easily in response, or if he borrowed the reaction from another.

So instead of parsing it out, he opted to correct his settled spine with the support of his chair, his back arched too far to be comfortable. _Clearly_ with no intent to separate himself from Shinra, nor was it due to the side-effects of the trauma he acquired before he was tricked into founding their club. _Obviously_, it was a cocky cat stretch to prove that he controlled the scene—he didn’t.

“So this proposed _‘study session’_ was all a ruse.”

“Was it?”

“Don’t play innocent. You’re obviously looking to use me for my body.” Izaya drew a barricade around his chest.

“That’s the gist of it. Having sex, that is.”

“No, usually both parties gain some form of pleasure out of it. At least, that’s the traditional way of things.”

“You say that like you wouldn’t benefit from it.” Shinra persisted, his flirt still in play.  
  
“And you say that like you’re sure that I would.”  
  
“Of course! The appeal of friendship is more than just like-mindedness, rather it’s underlined with physical attraction as well. I’m sure you have some amount of sexual interest in me, Izaya, even if it’s minuscule.”

“Oho, with that logic the same goes for you.”

“Which I hardly believe would shock you. Might I remind you who came to whom asking for sex?”

“Selfishly.”

“Nonetheless.” He shrugged.

Izaya tried to ignore the pseudo-psychological factoid that Shinra made up to sway him. “I’m going to chalk this up as your worst proclamation since we became…whatever you could call us.“

Shinra nodded, "that’s fair.”

“He admits it…”

“Is there any reason not to?”

Izaya shook his head, “Shinra, you are honest to a flaw.”

“That may be true, but you’ve always been charmed by my openness, among other things.”

On cue, Shinra increased the way his eyes sheened as if it were possible to control arousal in that fashion. In like, he intensified his flirtatious technique with a lowered tone spoken in a whisper.

“Am I right?”

If anything the distance between them hadn’t changed, but it certainly felt like the temperature stifled from combined body heat. Cowardice glued Izaya in place while his opportunity to escape passed—though unconsciously he knew it was out of curiosity to see how far Shinra would take his strategy; what more he would do after fingers traced up his shoulder to rest at the peak. Which step in his courtship manual followed a heavy gaze and deep breath.  
  
Izaya faced a doppelganger, for certain. Shinra was no longer present, he assured himself. In no way would his friend be able to tease like he did. Touch him in a way that wasn’t in the least bit awkward, but sensual—prepared to catch him in liplock as much as catch him should the pressure cause Izaya to buckle.

Perhaps Shinra was enough concerned for his well being to plan for multiple outcomes, which assuredly all led to Izaya falling in some way or another. Though it was likely that he acted with his own interests in mind, that his goods wouldn’t go damaged. Whichever reason it was moot—the amateur doctor would jump at any opportunity to fix a broken patient if only to foot a favour as the bill.

With a slight squeeze, Shinra reminded him that he’d been slack-jawed for too long. Izaya’s pulse beat against his ribs, drummed his throat; the cadence tensed his vocal cords, and his short breath dried his speech. 

“Whether I’m charmed remains to be seen…”

The weakened words settled in the air—lost in a staredown, both were dusted with uncertainty. The former was an oddity and the latter came as a shock because wasn’t it Shinra that claimed he operated with platonic tools?

Yet it was Shinra that relented, the genuine curl of his lips diminished and discomfort added to his brows. He read as concerned, disappointed; not particularly hurt, but somewhere in between that and bothered. Izaya wondered if he looked terrified from his friend’s vantage, yet it was hard to determine as the other sighed and pulled back with his palms exposed in surrender.

“Alright.” 

That was it—the tension was gone, never existed. Perhaps.  
  
Instead, the bag at Shinra’s hip was given attention—the quick-switch of demeanour threw Izaya for a loop; the seamless fashion was, in short, enviable. All that he witnessed was how Shinra wavered just a smidgen and let out an extra breath that was indeterminable; his thrown slouch was taken advantage of to slip hair past his ears to keep his nosey neighbour away from a good spy.

_He’s hiding something…_

Nothing else to observe nor ponder, Izaya blinked back to normalcy; the sound of rifled papers harshed his ability to fully relax.

“What were you thinking of studying today?” Shinra’s voice was muffled.

“Honestly, I didn’t plan for anything…”

The shuffling stopped—without a tick Shinra popped back to normal, chipper but fake and cautiously hopeful.

“Well in that case,” he presented a pristine textbook, “let’s humour our ourselves with an old favourite!”  
  
It was innocent and somewhat pure, the emotion that Shinra exhibited. Simple coercion which Izaya couldn’t hold back the smile which it lured, despite his desire to reserve his candidness. 

Izaya shook from a silent chuckle before Shinra joined in with an audible hiccup. The dam of tension let up—lighthearted laughter spilt out. Short, sweet, and sentimental; what they shared eventually calmed, but not before they both loosened up.

“_Biology…_” Izaya hummed, “how appropriate.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Banter, banter, feelings, banter... 
> 
> I love and appreciate comments, kudos, feedback, etc. Feel free to do the same on tumblr as well, if you're inclined: https://demytasse.tumblr.com/post/187590152531/shinzaya-hold-me-tight-or-dont-ch-1
> 
> As always, thank you for the read! ♡ (´▽`ʃƪ)


	3. Chapter 2

It’d been two or so weeks—the day which Izaya and Shinra laughed off a certain mishap of a declined offer. It was worth Izaya being skeptical, considering the implications; and despite how awkward the situation was, the duo managed to work through their study session like they followed the laws of a simple science. Which sexual benefit for problematic friends hardly seemed logical enough to whip out their textbooks for the proper test theories. Then again they _were_ mammals and biology _did_ involve the study of primal instincts to procreate; engage in pleasurable activities even if they’d bear no offspring in the result.  
  
Not that was something explained halfway through their class review and note refinement—Shinra wasn’t that insufferable. Probably.  
  


Though overall, the event was…_pleasant_, as Izaya would gladly admit to himself—living in the present with their old chemistry, exactly how he remembered. Two hours of concentrated smart talk, punchy wit, and whatever endearing degradation Shinra used while he wildly interacted with himself using a willing audience participant as a sounding board.

It was pleasant enough to spur a fresh start of their old school style. That solo day with an agenda brought their club back to life; due to their individual volition, an accident that they both decided to show up day after day for activities unscheduled.

Which as low tier geniuses without the need for extra studies, their club was yet again a ruse; this time it covered up the fact that they desired each other’s company. The matter of Shinra’s scheme was still in enactment, just not the main drive. It was an attendance ritual of sorts, that each time it was set into motion it tripped Izaya’s perturbed decline just the same.

_ Yet…_

Each day Izaya found himself inexplicably drawn to the coy sadist when he beamed his selfish smile.

_“It’s a rather Pavlovian effect that the school bell has on you, Izaya. You come trotting over to me with bells on every time it rings.”_

Whenever Shinra swayed the atmosphere with unconscious pizzazz, Izaya would be caught mid-reconsideration of the sexual offer still hidden up the other’s uniform sleeve; the snake, his friend, set with a particular angle to his brow and knowing bright eyes as he spied.

_ “Izaya, are you sure you’re not just making up busy work to keep us here longer? Because if you want to see more of me I can literally show you all of me, if only you bare it all for me first—Oh! OH! Are you actually considering it?“_

And through the lens of Izaya from the receiving end, Shinra’s perverse winks, manipulative head tilts, and sleight of hand innocence were nothing short of perfect execution.

_“I don’t have extraneous school work for this afternoon, but that doesn’t mean a strenuous workout is off the table. Which could literally happen on the table if that’s what kink I should’ve been playing into this whole time.”_

All to which the whole package deserved and received suave insult to praise…

_ “Shinra, being attracted to you would be a kink in and of itself.”_  
  
“Seems like you’re into some kinky stuff then.”

_ "Perhaps I am, but that’s for me to know.“_

…and was spoken in questionably innocuous tones, the meaning completely hidden to the ignorant teen who delivered them.

Others might see it bizarre; like, how could an eccentric attract anyone but the desperate? Contrary, the whole reason Izaya was fond of Shinra’s charming swindles was that they were the same techniques he used, because he _too_ was crooked, and his association with a cohort tactician _normalised_ him. As well his appreciation of that only twisted him more—clockwise, around the little finger of his peer, tied in a tangled bow.

It just wasn’t clear, even after fourteen days give or take four years if Shinra wanted him…

…the same as whatever way Izaya wanted _him_—which he didn’t know himself. Not at the moment. He just knew he wanted him as his past self did, and even then that wasn’t clear.

But if the slow accumulation of past, present, and future events could speak they would smack him upside the head and scream the obvious. Even then Izaya was prone to survive bludgeons to the noggin and still placed himself in situations that invited the injury; so what good would the amalgamation even do?

* * *

“Funny… Who was it that you claimed was Pavlov’s dog?”

Shinra had met Izaya at the entrance of their newly acquired clubroom, recently applied for and somehow managed to receive without a solid purpose. A plot device seemed at play, should their circumstances been written as fiction.  
  
“Well, that’s not necessarily true. I would say that I’m actually Pavlov himself.”  
  
“Oh? How do you figure? All I see is an adolescent pup, wagging its tail, salivating over me entering.”

Izaya shrugged his shoulders, his hands content while covered by his pockets.

Yet they seemed amenable—Shinra pointed at his arm, poked the air to suggest Izaya pull one out for him. With curiosity, he did as he was told while his browline puzzled; watched as his hand was taken from the air and simply held.

“Because what I’m doing is reinforcing good behaviour.”

The scene played for Izaya like a dissociative vision; somewhat predictive of what was going to happen, but he was partially unsure of his assumption. He was guided to prop up on the balls of his feet as Shinra leaned into an upward motion of their linked hands—behind lenses, his eyes were pleasantly closed while he primed another connection that would be met just below his lips.

Though there was a hang-up for the conclusion—where time slogged more than its realistic tick.  
  
Was it that Shinra chickened out, or was it for dramatic effect in order to itch Izaya’s hand outward to his constitution? Paranoid, he felt his whole body vibrate, enough to alert Shinra, but the accentuated shake seemed like it was a combined effort. It was unnerving.  
  
Just when Izaya was about to kill the awkward pause to aid his nervous friend—not for himself—he felt parched warmth on his knuckles. Rather, it was heat that singed and threatened to scar.  
  
“Do you honestly think this counts as a reward?” 

At that, Shinra gained his confidence, only when he finished his kiss did he look up. Though as he did it was with joyful pride that his smile raised to meet his crinkled eyes full of sentimental energy. The execution finished with a gaze he locked with Izaya, still in a moderate bow.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Flushed, Izaya couldn’t break their static stare. His jaw slackened without recognition that it was tense before; his lips hardly parted as it seemed he wanted them to close again by other means.

It was only when he noticed a dusting of excitement across Shinra’s cheeks that he recognised the oxygen he deprived himself had shortened his breath.  
  
“…I can’t confirm your hopes…” he swallowed, “Shinra.”  
  
Izaya chuckled awkwardly, but it snapped them both out of their trance.  
  
“Of course, of course. I’ll have to try again next time.”

Shinra rubbed his thumb over the ridges of the hand still in his—all Izaya could do was chuckle a second time; shake his head again. 

Who knew how long they stayed there before they made their way into the room one by one, soon to be side by side at their normal desk—against their habit of sitting across from each other.   
  
Within Izaya’s recollection far in the future, he wouldn’t be able to see anything past the distinct, romantic standstill at the door. Not even the intimacy of them sharing a needless textbook nor them switching control over a single pen would overrule.  
  
All that seemed worthy to log away was the moment he started to realise what he couldn’t express tangibly. It wasn’t that he lacked the desire for skinship with Shinra, it was that he feared the loss of something special that he knew could never be replaced.

That, and the interesting notion that Shinra often spent attention on him rather than rambling about the object of his so-called affection. Less an obsession, it seemed, but was some part of formality?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it seems that the speed is going a little quick it's because it's not meant to linger at this point too long. There's...a bit of confusion on Shinra's end as much as Izaya's. Ahaha...aww...
> 
> I love and appreciate comments, kudos, feedback, etc. Feel free to do the same on tumblr as well, if you're inclined: https://demytasse.tumblr.com/post/187590152531/shinzaya-hold-me-tight-or-dont-ch-2
> 
> As always, thank you for the read! ♡ (´▽`ʃƪ)


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a slog this has been to write. *groans* I feel bad because it really shouldn't be. Ahahaha...

Morning rituals were only good for their reliability—not their interest. They might conform with the trends of time; transform into something novel with new means to set the mould, but they always wound up a formulaic bore and predictable as the people who accessorised the unremarkable event. They were a mere bringer of happenstance.

Which Izaya's present gift from his trusty schedule came in the form of his nag of a friend who melded with the shadow on his left and sought to initiate any kind of annoyance. At the moment it was Shinra's hope to converse with an added twine of their dominant fingers as they walked the halls. The contact wasn’t needed, the touch wouldn’t be sincere, and their frozen palms needn't chill the both of them.

His attempts didn’t work, though he _did_ try—and kept on—despite how Izaya shooed them away.

Izaya knew the conversation Shinra insisted would be a nuisance by default, but a day later in retrospect he’d claim that he prophesied _exactly_ how chaotic their morning would turn, and precisely knew that detrimental intel would be gained as a result.

And if he told a soul, he’d explain how the giveaway was the digging grip around his bicep that demanded Shinra be paid attention—a tad different than the normal ritual.

“Come on, Izaya, listen! I have a brilliant scenario for club today!"  
  
“Can I stop you there?”  
  
“Just hear me out.”  
  
Izaya side-eyed his friend.  
  
“It actually involves studying, you know.”  
  
“That doesn’t instil me with confidence.”

“If you let me talk you’ll see that it’ll accomplish the opposite.”

“Ah, even more so I’m skeptical.”

Shinra huffed. It was fake.

Though Izaya could tell how patient Shinra tried to be as to not ruin what he’d undoubtedly planned in depth. Which meant he wouldn’t let up no matter how long the reveal was delayed or sidetracked—ignored with little success.

“Do I have the floor now?”

Izaya sighed, rubbed at tired eyes; revolved his other hand to indicate that Shinra should _just get on with it._

“Splendid!” 

He cleared his throat enthusiastically. “So like I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m aware of your proclivity to lust over my form while we change in the locker room.”  
  
“Shinra, you’ve never mentioned that,” he rolled his eyes upon instinct.

“I’ve never explained how obvious your voyeuristic tendencies are?”

“Perhaps you’re confusing me for you since it seems you’re the one paying explicit attention.”

“Well it doesn’t matter, you won’t have to rely on those stray glances and pitiably gazes after today.”

“Enlighten me, vice club president, what’s this supposed bullet on our agenda?”

Unconsciously they’d trekked an optimal route that avoided extra eyes and additional foot traffic. Still, Izaya looked about to make sure no one followed close enough to make a rumour of whatever nonsense Shina was about to explain.

“Well since you’re finally amenable I’ll cut to the chase. I've come up with a sort of team bonding exercise, a warm-up if you will, to ease ourselves into the ceremonious sex life we’ve yet to start. Thus, I propose that we entertain our teenage libidos with a rousing yet sensual strip teas—”

His perverse fantasy was cut with a solid body-check.

"Shinra, for the love of whatever god... I want none of what I so kindly prevented you from further revealing."

"You mean our bodies or the truth?"

Izaya asked deadpan, "wait..._the truth_?"

"Yes! Revealing the truth.”

"Which is…?"

"That you want me!"

"Rather blunt, even for you."

Shinra shrugged, "as if you don't know my spiel."

"Ah, so I do. In that case, I'll skip my own to save me the trouble."

Startled—Izaya’s hand was taken into Shinra’s grasp who sparkled in spirit.

"I was right then." 

"Not even in the slightest!" He yanked his hand back, scowled while he rubbed the audacity off his skin, “don’t colour my response with your confirmation bias.”

"You're so cruel, Izaya!" Each word was whined in woe. 

Stray students that Izaya feared would show up covered their ears while they searched for whom to grumble at, but only found a chilling threat. The few of them dispersed and abandoned the duo.

"Indeed, I am."

"At this rate, I'll grow old and undesirable before anything can happen."

"That's not my problem."

"Well I insist that you make it your problem! That way I can fix it just like I tend to your ailments and injuries. I won't be made a defeatist just because you adamantly deny the fact that you want me to touch you up—in more than one way." 

A chuckle hung up Izaya.

"And what a touchy subject that you fail to drop. You know that I can turn you into the officials for your sexual advances and disrespect of my wishes _at any time_. Wouldn’t that solve my problems just as well?”

Izaya cocked his smirk and crossed his arms; expectant of Shinra’s surrender going without a hitch. In lieu of that, another form of _hitch_ formed in Shinra’s breath as he remembered the time when Shizuo was turned-in for a dumb reason.

Still, his rebuttal was found after a shiver, hitched a ride from the relief, and realigned their pace.

"Come on now, Izaya, you know we both ignore morality; at the very least _I_ do and admit it. So rest assured, I'll hit you up again with the idea later on."

"Oh, I hardly doubt that you will, my dear friend."

Shinra hummed—pat Izaya on the shoulder with a self-confident smile.

"Okay!"

His peculiar response ended their conversation on an awkward note, it really didn't go along with what Izaya said prior and if that weren't normal he would have taken offence that he wasn’t listened to.

Thus it was thrown aside in favour of continuing their circuit of identical corners and walkways; intentionally without a care of how close it was until homeroom.

Though the energy from before died down quickly before they started down a new avenue of discussion.

“But to be honest, I've thought about us more."

Curious of what necessitated a _'but'_ precursor and a drop in his tone—a mention of _‘us’_—Izaya flipped attention towards his pensive friend. Whom was overly so and a little too unsure of himself.

"We're friends...right?”

Izaya tripped over his footing as well his thoughts.

“Dubiously so, but here we are." 

He swatted his...dubious friend as if the tease would kill the heavy air; out of habit Shinra didn’t flinch nor release the somber tilt from his lip.

"Yeah...so,” he hesitated, “doesn't that mean you won't connect unnecessary feelings to us having sex?"

The mood dissolved into sickness as Izaya listened to the full reel.

“That's a boon, right?”

“A boon, hmm?'

"Right. I mean, it should be…" he trailed off.

"I suppose to you that’s all I am—” Izaya frowned, “rather, that’s _what_ I am to you; a tool for your selfish whims."

Shinra readjusted the strap on his bag, further fidgeted to correct an uncomfortable hang that persisted its agitation.

“Mmm, seems you remember what this whole plan is for: to prevent me from shamefully disappointing Celty, correct?"

_ Is he questioning me with what he’s spouted to me?_

"_Tch_, how could I forget the disgusting mental image of you two going at it when you keep reminding me of it?"

It was strained, but Shinra managed to slip into the reminiscent smile he wore whenever his love interest was brought up.

"How could you suggest that? Anything that involves Celty is purely beautiful. Which in respect of my angel I want to remain pure for _her_, despite my obviously tainted thoughts."

Once again he held some restraint and it seemed unbeknownst to the teen himself like he half-mindedly kept to an abused script rather than ad-libbing. Which Izaya decided to lean into the sudden turn as punishment or to defend his own feelings—both really.

"You do realise your logic makes no sense? Having sex strips you of your virginity."

"Naturally. Which is the exact reason that I’m purely opting for male relations, it's not quite the same as making love with a woman, but similar enough setups and motions. Therefore it keeps me a virgin in the important way.

"Although, if I’m going after an older woman, that _is_ quite the perversion. _Un_-pure, in fact. Oh. Oh no… Will that tamper with Celty's purity if she goes after me: a man centuries younger than herself…?”

His prior confliction seemed forgotten for a moment as he fell into his practised character.  
  
“Get to your point, _pervert_.”

"Err, right… perhaps you know this, but it's said that only fools will rush haphazardly into things without regard. Which, one and the same, I’m that fool whom the wise men speak of; hopelessly in love and blinded by it. _Where do you think that puts me, Izaya?_ I’m at the precipice of doing whatever it takes to fulfil my goal.”

To this he performed a hard pause and stared beyond Izaya’s sight into his mind, both conscious and unconscious; it unnerved him, made him sweat.

“I’m not the only one you could use. There are heartless bastards who are just as absent of a mind. Easier to puppeteer.”

“I don’t particularly have a deathwish, I’d rather mess around with you than wrestle with a dimwit beast like Shizuo.”

Shinra flinched in preparation of being mauled by violent repercussion as if said beast was actually present. If it was a joke to lighten both their moods it went ignored.

While his friend comedically struggled with traumatic memories, Izaya explicitly worried about himself. How the previous implication deemed their friendly get-togethers more as a requirement of acquaintances to fulfil a specific purpose.

Izaya watched Shinra emote through a summoned monologue while stuck on mute. His mouth flapped silently, looked playful a few separate times while he nudged Izaya with a wry wink. His bright smile would immediately fall whenever he didn’t get a response before he'd continue—defeated. 

Whatever he rambled was in vain.

Though the absent audio made Izaya's internal voice scream.

Somewhere within him nagged a question of if he’d actually made up his mind—if he really wanted none of the sexual intimacy that Shinra kept offering, with or without either of them smitten. He didn’t and he wasn’t, he really wanted none of that baggage. 

Yet there was tension, and it’d been eating away at his brain; the swirls of muscle that had become a victim of jealousy, a parasite that started to take over his rationale, motor skills, and more.

"...plus he's not as much my type aesthetically unlike y—"

Shinra turned mute for real as he went stiff —was killed on the spot, stood a corpse in rigour mortis.

At the changed demeanour Izaya scrunched his features to a focal point, that is until he looked down the hall. It appeared that the devil was summoned by his repeated mention—Shizuo, the dolt who'd surely wreck both of their mornings.

Moderately, Shinra began to shake. "Oh god, he heard me."

Given the grim aura that surrounded Shizuo, Izaya gathered that he was one agitation away from ornery, which bode terribly.

Izaya masked his nerves with a sigh, "Shinra that's improbable. Maybe not _impossible_, considering his inhuman hearing, but—"

"The hell did you manipulative bastards do?!" 

As if to prove the hypothesis, Shizuo locked sight on them, his ornery scowl confirmed; with a chip on his shoulder, a prominent rip on his jacket’s shoulder.

Decidedly he must have read their racked nerves as damnation of some ploy that hadn’t been actioned, or maybe it had, Izaya wasn’t sure if Shinra had set up something fishy.

"Surprising as it is for your amateur reasoning, Detective Gumshoe, we did nothing."

Shizuo looked between Izaya and Shinra in doubt and looped through his scrutiny again. Oddly enough he settled shifty eyes on the other teen though targeted both of them—just to be _unfair_.

_ "Eep!!"_ Shinra weaved a hyperbolic squeal into his legitimate reason to falter.

Though there wasn’t an excuse for his dart around Izaya to create a safe base out of him, both slim and inefficient. Especially there wasn’t a good reason for Shinra to grasp onto his cover, nor was there to hold his waist fake means to stabilise himself before he wrapped them around front. It was too intimate a hold for the hostile setting, but the teen kept to his whim.

_Ah...perhaps this was planned..._

Shinra perched his chin on Izaya's shoulder to keep watch of their enemy.

"Prove I'm innocent, Izaya!"

"Like hell he's innocent!" Shizuo yelled.

In one sense Shinra couldn’t be proven guilty, but he wasn’t innocent. He took advantage of Izaya’s skyrocketed endorphins as Shizuo trudged closer—he pilfered them, used them. Subtly nuzzled a spot behind his ear; continued his act, but seemed flustered as his breath was shallow from underlined fear, yet focused.

It was that manipulative sway Izaya swore he liked, but now he felt betrayed by his propensity to love anything off-kilter.

Anger ran up his spine and ended in a shudder around the spot Shinra laid his head. His pulse raced furthermore as a palm rolled discreetly under his jacket and flattened upon his heart to monitor its speed.

Shinra spoke. It was loud enough to combat the hallway chatter—clearly the beast as well—but went unheard by anyone other than his victim.

“Interesting, fear really does bring you excitement. I should’ve known...” 

Shinra hummed uncharacteristically pleased for scientific discovery. That or Izaya's preference had grown askew over time and made a calculated tone of a scientist attractive, repulsive given the circumstances. Though that preference could possibly be tied to his personal inspector who tested his fortitude against prior jealousy.

For a second he swore he felt their pulse sync up with the heartbeat against his back. Enough to count for evidence that maybe… Shinra toyed with _both_ their feelings.

Regardless of what he had done to invoke Shizuo's wrath as a trap, Izaya felt he was made a lab rat, a joke.

As Shizuo swiftly decreased the space between them, he turned against his friend.

_Two can play this game, asshole._

Within the last moment, Izaya overlapped their hands in tender opposition of the aggressive atmosphere, which shocked Shinra. Izaya used the opportunity to pry the leech from his back and shoved him into the battlefield.

"W-woah!"

Shinra spun and tripped, and by the look of it, his fear shot up to one-hundred percent genuine.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya smirked, "_have at him._"

"Seriously?!" Shinra staggered off to evade—sounded a hair amused, but looked terrified as Shizuo picked up speed.

"Don't start acting like that damn bastard, _Shiiinrrraaa_!"

In the distance, they were now a pair of ants.

Left on the sidelines, Izaya mused.

"You know…”

His hands formed a frame out in front of him with an eye closed for better focus. 

“I don't see how anyone could get tired of this show like they do with Shizu-chan and me.”

He clicked a fake shutter, “they must have no appreciation for good humour."  
  
Izaya wished he had an actual camera to photograph his revenge—for precious school memories soon to end, not to mention good blackmail.   
  
In spite of that, he hoped Shinra would forget the discovery he made in the heat of the moment. Anything more discovered of him in that fashion would be worse than a public downfall, it would be a private tragedy.  
  
And really, it wasn’t just that he may get a bit…_excited_ in dangerous situations; honestly, that should’ve been obvious and he knew Shinra knew that. It was probably an excuse for his shitty friend to associate sexual excitement with himself. It was a flimsy experiment with failed results, but only because Izaya already got that sort of reaction when it involved Shinra.

As his hands slid from the air into his pockets he willed his rampant pulse to normalise—much to his dismay, it didn't budge.

“My, what a pickle he’s stuck me in.”

His mood soured just like vinegar and salt, with the purpose of the sexual endeavour fresh on his mind. What his fool reminded him of—rather not _his_, but it was easier to say and pleasant ring. 

Shinra played with his sweet spots and weaknesses; he did it _too __well_ like he paid unnecessary attention to someone who was just a target for his ploy. That in and of itself was trouble.

Izaya skipped class and club alike—he lacked the energy to struggle through their time together alone. That and he couldn't stop focussing on the undeterminable expression Shinra wore while they exchanged souls…

_“...I’m at the precipice of doing whatever it takes to fulfil my goal…”_

Correct him if that didn’t feel like a hint for him to pick up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for how long it's taking to get chapters out. *bows*
> 
> I love and appreciate comments, kudos, feedback, etc. Feel free to do the same on tumblr as well, if you're inclined: https://demytasse.tumblr.com/post/187590152531/shinzaya-hold-me-tight-or-dont-ch-3
> 
> As always, thank you for the read! ♡ (´▽`ʃƪ)

**Author's Note:**

> This will be written from Izaya's perspective from here on out.
> 
> As always, thank you for the read! ♡ (´▽`ʃƪ)
> 
> I love and appreciate comments, kudos, feedback, etc. Feel free to do the same on tumblr as well, if you're inclined.


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